Guess what! This post about my baby is now in real time! I am writing about being 30 weeks as I am actually 30 weeks! no more quantum reality, time travel confusion! These photos are less than 48 hours old. Rejoice in the little things, folks.
To celebrate my largess, I am speaking out on behalf of a revolutionary new apple product!
iWomb is a revolutionary life support pod capable of expansion and nourishment of an embryonic human life. Once activated inside a human host, it can support life for up to 9 months! Side effects likely include feeling like shit 95% of the time! also sounding like an idiot every time you open your mouth because you can’t remember shit. Also you really, really want to shit because you can’t shit and there’s only so much room for a baby, and for, oh, let’s say, shit. basically the theme of this product turns out to be shit. you’re welcome.
This is only the first publicity still, and I think it will sell lots of product. I also have this one:
That is actually me, in the photo, 30 weeks pregnant.
I know you may have been confused by my super cool dance moves and poses, but in my defense, you can only back the camera lens so far when the subject is the size of a house.
Also, those earbuds may or may not be surgically attached to my belly playing Bach 100% of the time. My kid is either going to be scary smart, or a serial killer.
*no ipods were hurt in the making of these ads