My Secret Shopping Buddy

Unlike most wives, I have decided that Patrick is actually the best shopping buddy ever. I was slightly shocked myself, so I compiled this list of reasons to remind myself of why.

Reason #1

I’m convinced there is some sort of transformation device in the mens dressing room. I say this because Patrick is unable to simply walk out of the dressing room like a normal adult, but instead, he always emerges with a puffed out chest, sucked in stomach and his arms stuck out 8 inches from his side. He marchs out of that dressing room and stands there looking down on me like he just downed about 15 Creatine shakes. He claims he is unaware of this metamorphasis, and that I don’t know what I’m talking about. Fool. My job is to engage him in innocent conversation until he forgets that I’m observing him and relaxes so I can see how the clothes will actually fit, since he is not, in general practice parading around like a wind-up toy soldier. This is endearing, and makes me think he is oh, like, about 5, and also, ummm, adorable.

Reason #2

Even though we have a joint bank account, and it’s both of our money, I always make him pay at the counter, and somehow, it just feels like it’s not my money I’m spending. It’s like going out for retail therapy on someone else’s tab. except it’s really mine…but I choose not to think about that. and that is totally healthy.

Reason #3

It always amuses me how bad he is at gauging what clothes will look like on.

Me: I kind of like this dress.
Him: Are you serious?
Me: I don’t know. yes.
Him: Not that dress, honey.
Me: Well I’m just going to try it on. Maybe it will look different on.
Him: Maybe.

Him: Wow. You look hot.
Me: This is the dress you didn’t like.
Him: Is it? No, I never I said I didn’t like that one.
Me: uhh…yes, you did.
Him: Hmm… whatever. Buy it.
Me: chuckles to myself

Reason #4

He is the ultimate litmus test of how good something looks on me. If I come out of the dressing room and he looks casually and says it looks “nice,” then I am probably not going to buy it. If, on the other hand, I come out and he takes a quick breath and then starts trying to peek into the dressing rooms behind me to see if he could sneak in, I know it’s a keeper. Also, my head gets just a little bit larger. And that is worth so much more than any girls half hearted opinion.

With all that said, I just bought a dress, with Patrick, to wear to my friends wedding on the beach, in Hawaii.

So yah, ok, it’s from Wet Seal and I should probably be a little embarassed about that, and it’s going to look really lonely in my closet since its the only pink thing I own… but I love it, and besides, you can’t criticize because I’m wearing it in Hawaii, bitch! If you want to see it, just go to It’s so hot, its on the opening page. and I look totally hotter than that girl.

ps – if you just opened that link, how embarrassed are you that wet seal is going to be in your browser history!

(oh, BTW, I will be in Hawaii for a week, so I won’t be posting. but I might be wearing a coconut bra. Just ruminate on that, it’ll help take the edge off…unless this is one of my brothers, because that’s awkward. Hi Ty and Jared! I wear turtlenecks all the time…Love you! Send money!)


6 responses to “My Secret Shopping Buddy

  1. Somehow I’m guessing “Send Money” was directed at me and not Jared. Even worse, that probably means that “Love you” was directed at Jared and not me. 😦

  2. oh ty. how well you see life. kisses (collectively directed at you and Carey)

  3. you are too much…and this from the girl who gave me crap because i once bought a cardigan from forever 21!

  4. It’s okay, I buy stuff from Wet Seal….or I would, if mum and dad would let me.

  5. i buy things at forever21 and then say that they are from express.

    or target.

  6. Hi !
    Just want to ask you to continue writing and that….. I totally agree and share the secret buddy shopping 🙂 reason #2 is totally something I do too !!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s