NOT Academy Awards, BUT Something Better

On the eve of the Academy Awards, I am going to write about something else. Who cares that Pan’s Labyrinth didn’t win best foreign language film. Not me. sniff. I am snubbing the snubbers. So don’t read this post expecting to get my opinion. Instead read it because I found a really amusing website called Overheard in New York. The name pretty much explains the point of the website. Its great. Here are two examples from the site:

“Yuppie kid: Mommy shaves her hoo hoo!
Yuppie dad: Okay, honey. Look, do you want your book?
Yuppie kid: I came in the bathroom this morning and asked Mommy what she was doing and she said shaving her hoo-hoo. Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo!
Yuppie dad: Dylan, remember when we discussed at-home conversations and outside conversations?
Yuppie kid: Yes.
Yuppie dad: Well, this is an at-home conversation.
Yuppie kid: Okay, daddy. [Sings to herself quietly] Mommmyyy shaves her hoo-hooo…
Black lady: See, home conversating, outside conversating — that’s bullshit. My kid says shit like that, I smack him. He won’t say shit like that again.
Yuppie dad: Okay, thank you, but I think our method works just fine.
Yuppie kid: Lady, do you shave your hoo hoo?
Black lady: Oh, yeah, that shit is workin’ just fine. She’s all kinds of polite.
Yuppie dad: Okay, Dylan, this is our stop.

–R train”

or how about this one, so beautiful in it’s simplicity:

“20-something girl: Oh my god! I just realized how much Darth Vader sounds like Ralph Nader!

–8th St & Broadway”

As I was perusing, I found myself wishing there was an “Overheard in Chicago” or Wheaton, or Chattanooga. In veiw of this clear oversight, I have come up with my own.

OVERHEARD IN CHATTANOOGA

Loud flamboyant man: I mean, chair covers totally make the room.
Woman: I know, right?

–Carabbas, Chattanooga

Server 1: Last night I saw the White Lightning Burlesque Troupe.
Server 2: What is burlesque?
Server 1: You know, like really old theatrical style music and dancing and stuff.
Server 2: Oh, I think we just studied about that in my music class. Does it have lutes and lyres?
Server 1: …
Me: I think you are talking about Baroque.
Server 2: Oh… yeah.

–J. Alexanders, Chattanooga

And why, in fact, can we not bring it even closer to home? Because really, my life is a lot like New York, loud, dirty, full of feral rodents, bitterly cold half the time…wait not the rodents part. anyways:

OVERHEARD IN MY HOME

Me, making faces in the mirror: Look at me, I’m such a plain jane!
Patrick: That’s not true. You’re beautiful. You are about as exotic as a white girl can get!

–my bathroom

Patrick, in his sleep: If they want it, then I will just give it to them.
Me: give it to who?
Patrick: to the cats. the cats.
Me: … terrified silence…

–my bedroom

Please add your own overheard funnies and I will give you a cookie. maybe not but I will promise not to send the evil cats after you.

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