Scanners Rock my World

Here is the book I promised to post. I’m in love with it. I want to make more books in the “This is what what will happen” series. I know this may be difficult to believe, but I did not actually touch up the artwork when I scanned it. It is all original, baby. Now to my magnum opus.

Front cover, artwork by Pat, Title by ME:


Page one, artwork by Pat, words by ME:


(Once upon a time, there was a poorly drawn rocketship that interrupted the sleep of a crotchety old bird. He sat in his nest and waited impatiently for it to take off.)

Page ¡DOS!, artwork by me, words by Pat:


(The bird soon got what it wished for, but unfortunately the blast from the fast departing rocket singed the feathers of the bird, rendering him earthbound.)

Page 3, art by pitterpat, words by sumbum:


(The injured bird was shocked and disoriented. Adding to his confusion, he saw a large armored tank coming towards him. “I am not a large armored tank,” it said, “I am an armadillo, but I can understand your confusion since my natural habitat does not include MN, but…)

Page four, ok, you get it, art by me, words by pat:


(…I dreamed I was simultaneously sunbathing and levitating and I awoke to find myself in MN.” The bird pretened to listen, but really was just wishing that he would stop smoldering.)

Page Cinco de Mayo:

pg 5

(Suddenly, the armadillo was hit by an enormous hammer that locked onto his position from the sky. The bird felt strangely lonely and very cold. He stood there shivering for a moment, when)

For the record, Pat claims that it is quite obvious from his drawing that the armadillo is getting run over by a car, but it really looked like a hammer to me. On to page sex, err..six:

pg 6

(two birds landed on the ill-fated armadillo and started laughing at his baldness. He got very mad, and tried to yell at them, but they only spoke finch, and he was a canary.)

Lucky number 7:


(The little bird walked off with the small amount of dignity he had left. As he walked away, the cruel laughter of the finches rang in his ears. Had he been able to speak finch, he would have known that they were not actually laughing, but trying very hard to warn him of something.)

Page 8, awesome pictureness by me, clearly.


(They were trying to warn him to move out of the way of the rocket ship that was tumbling back to earth. But alas, the poor canary was doomed. THE END.)

And that friends, is what I’m doing with my art major. And now, I leave you with this, our back cover:


Summer B. Kink and Patrick Payne have spent the last 20 years of thier life fighting terrorists in Uzbekistan, where they found the inspiration for this book. They have since moved back to the states where they have become avid NASCAR fans and love spending thier time forcing their cat to watch them have sex. They have also written these Pulitzer prize winning books: “Love in the time of tetnus,” “Catcher in the cotton fields,” “I hate myself, someone please kill me,” “Coco: the life and times of an ordinary housecat,” and “Coco 2: cats can be tasty treats.”


3 responses to “Scanners Rock my World

  1. that is very NOBLE thing to do with an art major.
    it’s, like…so OTHER.

  2. hey bama, i just realized you actually took that photo in my header. you rock.

  3. i thought it was a train. was it a train?

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