A friend told us that after their baby was born, they totally stopped caring about their pets.  Granted, I get a little (a little) obsessive about my animals, but I wondered if things would change after Mr. Man’s arrival.  Truth is, seeing the animals with the baby, I love all three of them a little more.

When I was growing up, I would beg and beg and beg for pets – as a result I owned multiple hamsters, fish, rats, and gerbils, a bird, a turtle, a chinchilla, two cats and twice, I got the grand prize:  a dog.  How did we work our way through so many pets?  My parents were bad at resisting my pleas, but also bad at keeping animals.  The first dog we ever got was a miniature collie named Lady, (hence my porn name Lady Grayfriar)

I know you are super jealous of our linoleum

We kept her for about a year and then my parents got rid of her.  My brothers and I were heartbroken, and were able to convince my parents several years later to get a second dog…

” Oreo Cookies and Cream” or “Rio”

again, I flaunt the linoleum

We kept Rio for a while longer, about three years, but ultimately my parents got rid of her for pretty standard dog issues – shedding, digging up the yard.  Stuff that just kind of comes along with dog ownership.

Patrick’s family on the other hand, were much more responsible pet owners, and he grew up with a black lab, Sport, who they kept until he died (imagine that!) {until the dog died, not patrick, just to clarify}

Did anyone not have those Fisher Price roller skates?

Patrick and his sister and Sport.  This also looks like it could be a page out of Town and Country.

All that to say, being responsible pet owners has been a really big deal to me and Patrick, and it’s not always easy being the owner of a 16 year old cat who routinely finds things to pee on. (out of spite for his many humiliations on this site, no doubt).  So while we knew that unless Beau became outright aggressive (not likely from a dog who pees himself when the wind blows too hard) we would keep him, we didn’t anticipate how sweet he would be towards “his” baby.

and we are super excited for Sebastian to get the opportunity that I never did:  to grow up with a dog.  Because really, is there anything better than this?

You will never believe what happened the other day, and I am not even exaggerating, because would I do that?  It was the most amazing thing.  It was even more amazing than the time Patrick and I were watching Sex and the City (I mean, I was watching SATC alone because Patrick would never watch that show, he is far too manly…um..  sorry, honey!)  and Carrie and Aleksander Petrovsky were drinking out of the exact same Russian Tea Glasses that Patrick and I had just received as a wedding present.  Hard to top, I know.  Side note, but they look something like this, only silver:

SO you all know how I am obsessed with Dexter, right?  If not, (keep up!) see this post.  So there we were, watching the last episode of Dexter and we see this scene:

Dexter and Rita in moment of marital tension.  and a breadmaker (200!), apparently.  You may ask yourself what is so amazing about this?  Let’s zoom in on little baby Harrison in the high chair back there, right underneath Dexter’s chin:

And I look down at Sebastian sitting in my lap, and I am not even making this up folks, prepare for your world to be rocked:

I might be a complete dork, but I freaked out.  It wasn’t just like, oh, look, I think we have that same outfit hanging in the closet. Oh, no!  Sebastian was actually wearing the exact same outfit at the exact same time as Dexter’s baby!

Coincidence?  Or a sign that he should be in show biz?  Because then I could be one of those creepy moms that’s all, what, I’m not living through my children…I’m doing this for him!  Look, he loves it!  Sebastian, look more like you love it, dammit! and I could live in LA and snort coke off of my child’s academy award… it could be super!

Now that Halloween’s over, it’s time to start thinking about Christmas!

I love the look on his face, like maybe it will all be over soon.  Oh, it won’t.  He lives with me.

Oh, and bonus:

This is one giraffe who had too much rum…

for the lack of posting..   but even though it is not technically Monday, here is your dog blog monday update, and it comes with another update as well…

Hi Baby! I would like to sniff you!

This photo is from October 20 – the night before I stared feeling contractions, and even though I was convinced it was a false alarm (it was still 3 weeks till my due date) I really wanted to make sure I got this photo before I lost the belly.  Also, for those of you who were wondering, yes Bo is naturally that sweet and attentive to my belly, and no, peanut butter was not involved in the taking of this photo, why do you ask?

ANYHOW, good thing we did because this was the real deal buckaroo, this camper was no longer happy kicking me in the lungs and carving profane words in the walls of my uterus.  And so I present for your consideration:

Sebastian’s Birth Story

just the highlights, minus the boring gross stuff

(now with 90% less crotch shots!)

First off, some things you should know about me.  I am terrified of needles.  Some things you should not be scared of if you are going to have a hospital birth: needles.  and ice chips.  but mostly needles.

This is me with my IV

Needles make me angry

And there is this bacteria that a lot of women have, and it wouldn’t really affect you, but it could cause complications with the baby if you have it.  So they give you antibiotics and boom, done, it’s ok for you, ok for the baby.  But you would think they would want to test for this maybe I don’t know, before you are 37 weeks pregnant, since technically that is full term.  But no, my test was scheduled for Thursday Oct 22 and, if you’ll remember, I went to the hospital Tuesday, Oct 20, so just to be safe we worked under the assumption that I did have it.  EVEN THOUGH I PROBABLY DID NOT.  Which meant that I got not one, not two, but FIVE bags of penicillin through that IV.  Does penicillin burn, you may ask… why, yes. yes, it does.

Moving on, another thing you may remember about me is that I really like food.  If I were a dog and you were Cesar Milan, you would say I am extremely food motivated.  What?  Jump in front of that car?  No way…that would be stupid…  wait, are those snausages in it for me?  done.

BUT they won’t let you eat when you are in labor.  I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal, except my labor lasted 24 hours, folks.  That’s 24 hours.  like an entire season of the hit show, 24, which in fact, I could have watched on the dvd player in the room if i wanted to hate my life even more.

Also everyone who meant well and dropped off food for Patrick, I hate you.  Because do you know what is worse than being 18 hours into labor and smelling Jimmy Johns which you cannot eat?  I don’t know, I’m seriously asking, what is worse than that?

On the plus side, I’m pretty sure my doctor was Alan Tudyk.  Compare this photo of Alan Tudyk:

With this photo of the doctor who delivered me:

Firefly this, bitches

Coincidence?  I think not.  I mean now that Firefly is off the air and I haven’t seen him in Dollhouse lately, the man has to make a living.  right?  right?  Please don’t disillusion me on this one, it was the highlight of my birthing experience (minus of course the end result).

So the FACT that Alan Tudyk delivered me makes it all the more embarrassing that during the part where I was pushing (for 90 minutes), I was obsessed with the idea that the pressure was going to pop out one of my eyeballs.  I know it’s not totally rational, but just imagine that you have gone 24 hours without food, have a killer head cold and then are constipated.  That is a little what it felt like, maybe.

Anyways, this is a direct quote, me:  Are my eyes going to pop out of my head?

Alan: No, that won’t happen

Me: Do you promise?

Alan: Yes. …

and then there was a kind of awkward silence, where I might have asked again.  And it might be more acceptable except I really hadn’t taken any drugs besides the epidural, which really isn’t supposed to make you loopy.  Nope, that was all me.  I also told the nurse my leg felt like a giant overstuffed sausage, which actually didn’t make her skip a beat, she just started telling me about this great place in Naperville to buy bratwurst.  +2 for her.  Oh, and -2 for the nurse who was checking my cervix (which some people apparently don’t mind, but I find really really uncomfortable….  I was going to make a comparison here, but Patrick says it is inappropriate.  and if Patrick says it…) AND SHE ANSWERED HER PHONE.  So one hand is in my business and the other is talking on the phone.  Seriously, lady, pick one or the other.

Also, whenever someone told me I was doing a good job, I apparently made the joke “Oh, it’s nothing, you’re the one doing all the work.”  Which, ok, not my best work, but possibly could have been overlooked if I hadn’t said it over and over again, and then laughed like it was the funniest thing possible.  Let’s just say I might not be welcome at this hospital any more.

The best things in life always make an entrance, so even if he was a little turtle, totally worth it for our little Mr. Man, who by the way, weighed 7lbs 14oz…  3 WEEKS EARLY.  OMG am I glad I didn’t go full term.

Introducing Falcor Sebastian Patrick:

He is the sweetest little baby imaginable.  I’m pretty sure the little hell minion I was supposed to get got switched up in the uterus relocation line and I accidentally got the saint baby that was supposed to go to someone far nicer than me.  shh…  I’m not going to say anything.

He’s only one week old and even though he was almost 8lbs, all of his 0-3 month clothes are giant on him.  It’s pretty adorable actually.  This was supposed to be his coming home from the hospital outfit, with the little teddy bear ears (Oh god, please tell me I didn’t turn my child into a future furry of america), but as you can see, he still has some growing to do.

And as for me, I am recovering really well.  The day after I gave birth I was all, look at me, I can stand up and take a shower all by myself!  And then I felt so good I decided to walk to the nursery to get the little man, all by myself!  And then I saw the pediatrician and was talking to him (all by myself) and then I started to black out so he had to grab a wheelchair and wheel me back to the room.  Which, btw, is a great trick to play on your husband, getting wheeled into the room in a wheelchair.  He will likely freak out.

And I’m not going to tell you all the horrible details, but allow me to reference the part in the Vagina Monologues where they talk about what their vaginas would wear out on the town.  And I’ll just say my vagina, would have to dress up as Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas.  Too vague?  I have a million stitches holding my lady parts together and it hurts.  BUT totally worth it for this little monster:

OH and PS – I DID NOT POOP THE BED!  I had two witnesses corroborate this story, and it’s not like I was even thinking or trying but I didn’t, I am the 3% who didn’t.  Booyah.

This is kind of cheating on Dog Blog Mondays because it’s not really my favorite dog, but this little guy is super close

AAARGH, the cuteness!  When we adopted Bo, he was already 10 months, but I’m guessing this is pretty close to what he looked like as a puppy.  And you all already know I have the best dog of ever, so if you are in the market, I would guess you can’t go wrong with this little beauty.  He’s about 4 months old, labeled a hound mix (read lazy) and in Plainfield Animal Control for adoption.

If you want to adopt him, follow this link. Just make sure you let me know, and send me photos!

In the meantime, follow the link and enjoy the video of this sweet boy.  Seeing him in the video, my guess is he is going to have a very similar personality to Bo’s and let’s be honest, it doesn’t get better than that (in my unbiased opinion)

So I feel like I ran a marathon and, let’s be honest, I’m not running anywhere in a hurry these days (except for maybe krispy kreme)…

But this Sunday was the 2009 Chicago Marathon and I went to support my sister (which as someone who grew up with 5 brothers, and then married into two sisters, you have no idea how excited I am to say that, my sister…)

And ok, I’m all for physical fitness, I mean I routinely benchpress the remote control from my throne on the couch, but you have to be a certain kind of crazy to run 26.2 miles without even being chased.

And then when you are at the starting point of already a little crazy, why not just add in some awkward and uncomfortable costumes?  Because there is nothing better than itchy polyester when you are doing something mildly strenuous, oh like say, running 26.2 miles.

So without further ado, my favorites of the crazy people at the race sunday:

#10 – This just has to suck.  You want to stand out at the race, maybe make it on the news and you think to yourself, I know, I will wear a superhero costume.  Nobody else will be wearing that.  Guess what.  Wrong.  Superhero costumes seemed to be the marathon crazy of choice.  And yet it still fails so hard.  Also, notice the sweat stains around his facemask.  That is probably gonna leave a rash.

#9 Pumpkin Girl – this girl wouldn’t get me down so much, I mean she is wearing appropriate running pants, if it weren’t for the pompom.  That just has to be no fun, running while holding pompoms.  Also, she looks a little bit like death, especially in contrast to the 80’s aerobic-rific girl running next to her.  Overall, probably one of the more comfortable costumes…but those damn pompoms…

#8 that guy – I don’t really know what this costume is, besides possible douche, but you can tell he’s not really pushing himself too hard.  Maybe it has something to do with the hair – I keep going back on forth on whether that is his real hair or not.  If it is, then I might have placed him above #8… if not, kudus to him because that wig has got to itch.

#7 – Mario – I will always have a soft spot in my heart for this diminutive plumber, however the absence of the large white gloves leaves this exhausted looking fellow out of the top 5.

#6 – ok, kind of cheating because he didn’t really run the marathon, but look how preshkis my hubby looks.  Also a little haggard.  I have warned him repeatedly not to wear those glasses and that hat together, but does he listen to me?  The correct answer is no, no he does not.

#5 – Please ignore the person in the foreground that is in focus, because this post is clearly not about him.  I have to admit, running as a keg, pretty awesome.  Although that hat, kind of a torture device.  I can’t imagine running further than from the couch to the bathroom, but if I could, having an elastic strap under my chin would make me want to hurt things.

#4 – My nine months pregnant self looking like a homeless person in Chinatown.  I’m pretty sure walking around the city to get to the different viewing points is the 9 months pregnant equivalent of actually running the marathon.

#3 Dr. Suessical – so even I have to admit, this is pretty adorable.  Although the person in the middle clearly did not put forth the same amount of commitment that the other two did.  But overall, good costume choice.

#2 B-A-N-A…N-A..N-A…DAMN, to many na’s!  I don’t know why but I am a little bit obsessed with the banana man.  Although, surprisingly, there were several people in this costume, it still made me smile every time it passed.  Also, observe that look of sheer determination on his face.  This is one banana that is going to make it to the finish line.

…..

#1 is of course the crazy people I was there to support, my sister and cousin!  I am super proud of them and they are my heroes because I could never run a marathon.  At least not without one of those muppet monsters chasing me the whole way.  And maybe a donut on a stick in front of me for good measure.

I know its 5 and you have all been waiting for my goggie update, and i am just the worst, the worst for not posting sooner.  I tried to get him to balance a high heel but that just wasn’t happening this time.

Instead I submit this photo of Bo, being a very handy mother’s helper as I’m getting ready in the morning.

Or as my nephew would say, “He’s faaaaancy.”

Thing #1 on my list right now: Pooping the bed while in labor.  Apparently this happens to like 95% of women.  And yet, you never hear about it.  It’s like this silent trauma that is endured by husbands and nurses and immediately blocked from everyone’s minds.  I mean I get it, birthing a baby is messy and all, but must it also be so humiliating?  And of course, Patrick’s response,

“Oh man, that would be awesome.  I’m totally tweeting it if you do.”

And this isn’t a direct reference, but I did laugh my ass off at It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s episode,“Who Pooped the Bed?” You’re welcome.

Bo doesn’t mind the weather…

’cause he’s got scarves and caps and sweaters…

and I know I normally only post one photo for dog blog mondays but I had to include this one that didn’t quite make the cut, because he totally looks like Bjork.  right? right?

there's definitely, definitely, definitely no logic to human behavior